Sunday, March 29, 2009

Which Is Worse? Bad Service Or No Common Sense?

The skies were not smiling at AstroBanana this afternoon after they finished watching Confessions of a Shopaholic. Deciding not to brave the rain as it was a rather heavy downpour, they walked around and did some idle window-shopping. Stepping into a certain outlet that sells a particular brand with a swoosh, Eric Banana spotted a small pouch which he took a fancy to and took it to the counter for payment.

After waiting for what seemed like a lifetime at the counter, he finally got the attention of a female retail assistant. Another male retail assistant also emerged at this time. Apparently, they were helping two customers to look for a certain item in the storeroom while leaving the rest of the store unattended. The male retail assistant even went on to use the barcode scanner to scan the price tag of the other customer's item in Eric Banana's presence. Whoa, Eric Banana just became invisible. Just because one of the customers was a Caucasian male, so he deserved priority service?! Oh please~ the other customer, a non-Caucasian, went to the extent of asking whether there was a further discount for an item that was already marked down at 40% off *eyeballs roll*.

At that point of time, the female retail assistant spotted the pouch on the counter and asked Eric Banana the ultimate obvious question: "Are you making payment for that?" And that would be a no - Eric Banana was merely posing with the pouch at the payment counter and taking up valuable space while denying others of a chance to make payment. Sensing Eric Banana's impending fury, the retail assistants had the common sense to serve him first.

Okay, maybe it was a bit premature to comment about their common sense then. Within 30 seconds of leaving the store, AstroBanana had to make a u-turn and head back for the store. Apparently, Mr. Smart Genius had forgotten to remove the security (sensormatic) tag from the pouch. The security sensor alarm did not go off when they left the store but gave a low whimper when they re-entered. Wah lau eh~! Had Eric Banana not checked the merchandise, he would have triggered the security sensor alarms at all the subsequent stores he went to. And he sure did not fancy the idea of having to explain himself to the security personnel for someone else's mistake which arose due to the latter's utter negligence and possible stupidity. Also, how do you explain stupidity?

"Oh, he's stupid. 'Nuff said."

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Sing For Joy With Each New Day

The latest addition to AstroBanana's Precious Moments figurine collection is...


... titled "Sing for Joy with Each New Day".

What? Another figurine?! Well, technically AstroBanana did not purchase this figurine per se. It is an exclusive figurine that came along with their 2009 Precious Moments Collector's Club membership. Stocks only arrived this week, so AstroBanana collected the figurine after dinner earlier this evening.

Eric Banana thinks it's a rather cute figurine, except that it probably won't symbolise Astro Girl. The representative figurine of her would *erm* be still sleeping away :P

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

You Are A Victim Of Your Own Success

The perennially whiny Eric Banana was complaining to The Boss about the recent explosion in his workload when the latter made a comment that shut him up: "You are a victim of your own success." The Boss was essentially trying to explain how good work is rewarded in real life - with *even more* work. Eric Banana wonders if he can even be considered to be a good worker in the first place and plans to further assess the implications of being one.

It also means that it does not pay to be a top performer. While top performers are more likely to draw higher salaries, they are saddled with heavier workloads in return. On a per hour salary basis, they may be no better off than the cleaning lady. And the cleaning lady gets to knock off on time. On the other end of the scale are poor performers. It can be assumed that lousy performers will be eradicated by the organisation. This is somewhat true, at least in the long run.

So what about average performers? Well, they just do what is required of them. There is little need or motivation to go beyond the bare minimum - after all, the fate of a top performer is to be "rewarded" with more work while earning less than the cleaning lady on an hourly basis.

Nevertheless, Eric Banana is glad that he can *erm* do.

Why? Because according to the adage "rubbished" by Dewey Finn in the movie School of Rock:

Those who can, do.
Those who can't do, teach.
Those who can't teach, teach PE.

Eric Banana can't teach to save his life, and teaching PE is next to stabbing his wrists with a blunt pencil on his to-do list :P But while he somewhat agrees that 能者多劳 (read: the capable should do more), he also feels strongly about the incapable - 无能者绝对不可饶! Hey, it rhymes :)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

One Year Of Being Engaged, Two Years Of Being Together

AstroBanana met for dinner this evening at the Royal Copenhagen Tea Lounge & Restaurant for an early celebration ahead of their first anniversary of being engaged and second anniversary of being together. The actual date is 23 March, which is tomorrow. Two years ago, she said yes. One year ago, she *erm* also said yes :P


The dinner crowd at Royal Copenhagen was virtually non-existent. Maybe most people opted to go there for high tea today since it was a Sunday. Eric Banana ordered a soup of the day, which was nothing extraordinary. For the main course, he had a Norwegian Fish and Chips while Astro Girl went for the Crispy Oven Roast Chicken.


After a satisfying main course, they decided to share a dessert - Warm Baked Chocolate Explosion. Eric Banana would say it's on par with the Valrhona Warm Chocolate Cake at Bakerzin.


AstroBanana's plan to have coffee and tea with their dessert was nearly derailed by a technical problem with the machine that dispenses hot water. What, no coffee and tea?! Thankfully, the problem was resolved just as AstroBanana were finishing their dessert so they managed to get their caffeine fix after all.

So why did Eric Banana decide to meet Astro Girl today instead of tomorrow? Well, it was because Astro Girl's present arrived at his doorstep today, courtesy of DHL's excellent service:


It is a Kate Spade Tarrytown Charlotte boarskin leather over-the-shoulder tote bag. It has an open top with an interior centre zip divider, and sports custom woven noel jacquard lining, 14-karat light gold-plated hardware and light gold floating noel signature. Dark chocolate in colour, it measures 12.5"x 13.3" x 3.9".

And yes, Astro Girl loves her new bag :)


The impossibly thrifty but exceedingly considerate Astro Girl felt that it was too expensive for an anniversary present though so she decided that it will count as an anniversary cum birthday present. Eric Banana is a lucky man! He also got his early birthday present yesterday - a nice wallet from Braun Buffel (which matches the card case he already has):

Finally, A Sensible MRT Train Improvement~!

Eric Banana was taking the MRT train from Orchard to City Hall yesterday when he noticed that something was amiss - the advertisement panels on top of the train doors were gone! Hmmm, bye bye advertising dollars :P Saying hello was an active route map. SMRT calls it STARIS, which stands for SMRT Active Route Map Information System. Oh, anyone could have *erm* figured that out. In addition to the active route maps, there are also Vacuum Fluorescent Displays (VFDs), which show a multi-language transcript of audio announcements.


Actually, Eric Banana considers STARIS to be a lagging improvement, as opposed to a leading improvement (that is, "Singapore is the first country in the world to ______"). While AstroBanana were in Hong Kong last year, they observed a similar system on their MTR trains and Eric Banana thought it was really useful. He wondered back then how come MRT trains in Singapore, which supposedly incorporate all the best features of subway trains around the world, did not have such a system. Then again, Eric Banana is a laggard too. Apparently, STARIS came into place in November 2008. Hmmm, guess he only managed to hop onto STARIS-free trains in the past few months (C'mon, only two trains with STARIS in service - what are the odds?!)


Some people will argue that STARIS is not useful because there is already an audio announcement system in place. Before the train reaches a MRT station, there will be an announcement to indicate what the upcoming station is. This is repeated when the train stops at the station. STARIS is a blessing to people with impaired hearing, as well as those people who are plugged on earphones to prevent themselves from going mad from exposure to the impossibly noisy train crowd. Of course, there are also the extremely blur people who only figure out what station it is just before the doors close and attempt to do an Olympic-worth mad rush while avoiding being sliced apart by the doors.

While Eric Banana thinks that STARIS is particularly helpful to tourists, it is definitely useful for Singaporeans as well. Those who want to go to a certain MRT station can track their journey and know how far or near they are from their destination stop. Also, not everyone memorises the entire MRT network map. The typical commuter will probably be familiar with a particular section due to daily commute from home to work, but may not know the other sections of the MRT network. Like Eric Banana knows the West section like the back of his hand, but is hopeless with any station in the East section - he thinks they are called Bugis, dunnowhat, stilldunnowhat, fareast, furthereast, yetfurthereast, amithereyet, wasitthelaststation, shouldiaskothers, mencannnotaskfordirections, shouldijumpoffhere....

Well, at least STARIS represents a more sensible MRT train improvement than removing 30% of the seats from MRT trains. While admittedly more people can be crammed into the trains during peak hours, those people who have a genuine need to sit down are deprived of 84 seats on each train. Very considerate of an aging population's needs - let them stand and be sandwiched by the train crowd. Don't even get Eric Banana started on that one time when ALL the seats were removed from certain cars of each train.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

What Not To Engrave On Your Wedding Bands

It has been over nine months since AstroBanana bought their wedding bands but they only managed to agree on what to engrave on their rings yesterday. They did not expect it to be so complicated. Here is what didn't work:

Of Convention
The conventional words engraved on a pair of wedding bands are usually the couple's names followed by the wedding date.
  • His ring: "Eric Banana 09.10.2009"
  • Her ring: "Astro Girl 09.10.2009"

Sometimes, the couple's names are joined together, like:
  • Their rings: "AstroBanana Forever"

Well, let's just say that the conventional is a.k.a. the ultra-boring. To Eric Banana, it's called the last resort - he would have to live with the label of UNCREATIVE for the rest of his life if he really went for it.

Of Meaningful Phrases
Some couples go for a short phrase that is meaningful to them. AstroBanana have a particular penchant for a phrase, which is...
  • Their rings: "Every Day We Have, Is One More Than We Deserve"
This was what AstroBanana really wanted but there was a slight technical issue. To engrave the entire phrase, they would probably need a wedding bangle each. It was too long! Even splitting the phrase to two parts wouldn't work :(
  • Her ring: "Every Day We Have..."
  • His ring: "... Is One More Than We Deserve"

Of Secret Codewords
AstroBanana tried to shorten their meaningful phrase into an acronym and it ended up like some secret codeword:
  • Their rings: "EDWHIOMTWD"

The acronym for AstroBanana Chronicles turned out to be really easy though, as easy as:
  • Their rings: "ABC"

They also played with the idea of using the acronyms for Ministry of Astro Girl and the non-existent Ministry of Eric Banana:
  • Her ring: "MAG"
  • His ring: "MEB"

If they both have senile dementia one day, the chances of them remembering what the secret codeword on their wedding bands are close to nil. Erm, forget it!

Of Foreign Languages
Eric Banana thought briefly about engraving the latin translation of "Love Conquers All" on their rings but he could not figure out which version is the right one:
  • Their rings: "Omnia Vincit Amor" or "Amor Vincit Omnia"

Well, at least he was sure it wasn't "Omnia Amor Vincit", "Amor Omnia Vincit", "Vincit Omnia Amor" and "Vincit Amor Omnia". Thankfully, Astro Girl came along and solved his headache for him by simply declaring, "I don't want any foreign language on our rings!" Wow, that's what Eric Banana describes as a display of democracy in its finest form

Of Humour
What? Humour on a wedding band? The audacity! But here goes anyway:
  • Their rings: "Priceless Tiffany Ring"
Except that the rings are not priceless and already have "Tiffany & Co" engraved on them , this would have been an excellent idea.

To prevent Astro Girl from misplacing her ring accidentally and Eric Banana from misplacing his ring DELIBERATELY, they toyed with this idea briefly:
  • Her ring: "Irreplaceable Ring!"
  • His ring: "Don't Even Think About It!"

They also tried to inject their personalities into the rings:
  • Her ring: "Up To You Lor!!"
  • His ring: "Up To Me Meh??"

By now, you should be wondering what exactly AstroBanana are going to engrave on their wedding bands. Well, if you have read the title of this entry properly, you would have realised that the answer will not appear here :P Let's just say AstroBanana do already have an answer and will post a separate entry when they finally get their rings engraved.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

A Bangle For Eric Banana

Ahead of AstroBanana's first engagement anniversary nine days later, Eric Banana received a lovely present from Astro Girl today - a stainless steel bangle from Goldheart!


Actually, he was the one who spied it a few days ago at the Vivocity branch but he was kinda hesitant about getting it. When AstroBanana walked past the Wisma Atria branch this afternoon, they decided to pop in and take a look. Seeing that Eric Banana seemed to like the bangle, Astro Girl bought it there and then and gave it to him as an anniversary present. Yay, Eric Banana is a happy boy now - it's his very first bangle! *EB shows off his brand new shiny bangle* :D

Sidenote: If you are thinking, "What about Astro Girl's present?", you have grossly underestimated Eric Banana :P

{Edited}


Yet-Another-Sidenote: In response to Peace/Piece of Mind's suggestion, pictures of Eric Banana wearing the bangle have been added. No comments on the hand please~!

Monday, March 9, 2009

7 Months To Go!

9 March 2009.

If not for the fact that AstroBanana went to the bridal studio at the end of last month to select Astro Girl's wedding gown and evening gown for the AD, they would have been panicking big-time by now. Not too long ago, the road to AD looked like a long and winding one. Nowadays, time just zooms past like nobody's business.

The trial make-up and second fitting will take place on 14 June 2009. This will be followed by the pre-wedding photoshoot by the bridal studio on 30 June 2009. AstroBanana are currently searching for a good Justice of Peace (JP) to solemnise their wedding. The wedding music list is still under review. The food tasting session has not been scheduled yet - probably late June or early July. They may do an outdoor shoot with DGT soon too. More details when available!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Unimpressed By Great Orchard Road Makeover

"I could have sworn the artist's impression looked much better than this."

Eric Banana is not sure if the head honcho at the Singapore Tourism Board has had a chance to take a peek at the "Great Orchard Road Makeover", but he can already second-guess what the latter might say. To be fair, the S$40 million makeover is probably not 100% complete yet, but Eric Banana is underwhelmed by what he has seen so far - the flower totems, the decorative glass screens, the planter boxes, etc.

While Eric Banana is sure that the original artist's impression must have looked *erm* impressive, somehow the real thing seems to be somewhat lacking, and probably still not at the same level as Paris' Champs-Elysees. While he is a big fan of aesthetic beauty, Eric Banana would rather see more practical improvements, such as the inter-building connectivity along Orchard Road, given the unpredictable weather in Singapore.

Nevertheless, considering that their wedding banquet is at a hotel along Orchard Road. AstroBanana are glad that the construction works are finally over.

Economic Recession Leads To Overcrowding At Gyms & Yoga Studios?

Eric Banana is almost fully convinced that a positive/negative side-effect of the current economic recession is that people are going to the gyms and yoga studios (sidenote: the acronym GAYS is a pure coincidence :P) more often. There are two aspects of this: (1) Those people who have been retrenched have a lot of free time on top of their job hunting and therefore spend more time exercising; (2) Those people who survived the retrenchment have more work to do now and are more stressed, so they need to release their tension via exercise. Of course, the assumption for both groups of people is that they have already signed up for a prepaid package at a gym or yoga studio, that is, they have to pay the fees through monthly installments until their packages expire. Another assumption is that given the economic crisis, it's unlikely that many new customers will sign up for packages at gyms and yoga studios.

So why is the side-effect positive/negative? Well, more people are devoting more time to exercising and working their way to a healthier lifestyle. That's the positive aspect. The only negative to all these is that gyms and yoga studios are getting way overcrowded. A gym or yoga studio can probably sign on "x" members comfortably on the assumption that their utilisation patterns are different. Of course, there are gyms and yoga studios which sign on more members than their theoretical "x". Well, they are in a bit of trouble recently, aren't they? However, the theoretical "x" becomes a problem once utilisation patterns change. Individual changes are unlikely to upset the status quo. However, a sweeping phenomenon such as an economic crisis that affects the majority of the population is a totally different thing altogether.

As a result, Eric Banana has been facing difficulties trying to book the yoga classes he wanted over the past few weeks. The available yoga classes are either the unpopular ones or at unearthly time-slots like 9 p.m. or something. Like today, Eric Banana had to drag his donkey to the yoga studio at 9 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Every single lesson at the yoga studio was fully booked this morning except the 9 a.m. class.

At this rate, Eric Banana is quite sure he would have to gatecrash Kids Yoga or Prenatal classes one day :|

Sunday, March 1, 2009

AstroBanana Trilogy Part III: Preamble

It would probably be apt to describe Eric Banana as a typical Singaporean guy. In more ways than one actually. Boring. Unromantic. Whatever. But there was one aspect where he was determined not to follow the mould - the infamous Singaporean male psyche's somewhat pathetic notion of a proposal, or rather, a "so-called" proposal. The only response any gal should give to "Oh, shall we apply for a HDB flat?" should be "Oh, what do you want me to write as the cause of death on your death certificate?"

From the day Astro Girl agreed to be his steady girlfriend, Eric Banana already started thinking about their future together. If he had not envisioned a future with them being together for the rest of their lives, he would probably not even have gone into a relationship with Astro Girl - he would not have wanted to waste her time. Of course, it was too premature to talk about marriage at that time but it didn't mean that he could not look forward to it. Mentally, he gave their relationship a one-year "trial" period - if there was no major hiccup in their relationship, he would propose to her. If things did not work out, then he would probably need to reassess the situation.

From early days in their relationship, Eric Banana already knew that Astro Girl was the one. She's attentive, she's humourous, and more importantly, she accepts Eric Banana for who he is. Definitely A++ wife-material. Sure, they had differences - every couple has differences - but they always managed to work them out. Was it too soon to talk about marriage after only one year? Well, some couples can be in a relationship for what, four, five years but still end up breaking up with each other. To Eric Banana, their lives in this world are finite - they will come to an end one day somewhere in the future. All he wants is to spend at much time as possible with the love of his life until that day comes.

Eric Banana had a once-in-a-lifetime chance to pop the question on Victoria Peak on 28 February 2008 while they were in Hong Kong, but he had to give up that opportunity because he had not bought the all-important proposal ring yet. As avant-garde as he professes to be, Eric Banana prefers the "old-school" way of doing certain things.

As he soon discovered, buying a diamond engagement ring is an art in itself. Actually, it is also a science. There are four gemological characteristics to look out for - carat, colour, clarity, and cut. Eric Banana pored through many websites and read numerous online forums. He spoke to many people. Then again, the more people he asked for advice, the more confused he got. Eventually, he decided to follow only one rule. And that rule was his heart. (By the way, bigger doesn't necessarily mean better. A diamond ring should fit the wearer's finger. If the diamond is too big and the wearer's finger is slender, it would seem out-of-place too.)

Since a long time ago, even when he was sure he was doomed to eternal bachelorhood, Eric Banana had told himself that if he ever proposes, he will propose with a Tiffany diamond ring. However, more than 99% of the people he asked advised him against buying a Tiffany diamond engagement ring - "It's not worth it", "You are paying only for the brand", "You can buy a much better ring with the same amount of money", etc. Interestingly, the only person who provided some form of encouragement was someone he has never met - an online friend who had also bought a diamond engagement ring from Tiffany around that time.

Eric Banana was still agonising over which diamond engagement ring to buy when he suddenly thought of the three-boxes proposal idea. That essentially solved his headache. He was not going to present Astro Girl with a Tiffany charm bracelet, followed by a Tiffany charm, and then ruin the whole proposal with a diamond ring that was not from Tiffany. Not that Astro Girl would mind though. If given a choice, it was highly unlikely that Astro Girl would pick a Tiffany diamond ring. That was why Eric Banana did not give Astro Girl the luxury of choosing her own ring. He was adamant that the lady of his future castle deserved a Tiffany ring at least.

Dressed in t-shirt and three-quarter pants, Eric Banana walked into the Tiffany outlet in Ngee Ann City on 16 March 2008. At first left to browse on his own, Eric Banana was swiftly attended to by a nice sales rep named Dorothy when he hovered around the diamond solitaire ring section. He had already more or less made up his mind about not going for round brilliant cut diamond. Instead, he had his eyes set on Tiffany's patented Lucida cut diamond. When he told Dorothy his budget, she showed him two rings - a 0.36 carat, E colour, VS1 Lucida diamond and a 0.47 carat, D colour, VS2 Lucida diamond. The former was S$1.3K below his budget, while the the latter was S$2.4K above his budget. Within less than five minutes, Eric Banana made his decision. Talk about classic male shopping pattern. He then proceeded to the ground level of the store to purchase the sterling silver charm bracelet and "Marry Me" charm.

Not a great fan of suspense, Eric Banana nearly made his way to Astro Girl's house that very day to propose there and then. Having to wait seven whole days was a torture to him. He couldn't wait for the planned date to come. He also had to resist the temptation of proposing to Astro Girl when she popped by his house the day before the planned date. Proposing on home ground has its advantages but no, he was determined to stick to the plan. Argh!

Eric Banana did think of buying a bouquet of flowers for Astro Girl as part of the proposal. He found out that there is a flower boutique in The Central where he could buy the flowers. His friend Joel even offered to purchase and deliver the flowers during the proposal but Eric Banana declined because the timing would have to be impeccable. He also did not alert the restaurant beforehand so that the proposal context would appear more natural. There was no need also since he was not going to have the waitress bring out a glass of champagne with the ring inside. The table arrangement hampered any possibility of kneeling down on one knee so he scraped that idea on the spot. Actually Eric Banana nearly gave his game away. He was going to the yoga studio every Sunday morning at that time but he did not go on that particular day because he did not feel safe leaving a Tiffany diamond ring in the locker. Astro Girl thought that was a bit strange. Smart girl!

The whole three-boxes proposal was all about mind games. Eric Banana would first divert Astro Girl's attention by proclaiming the first box (with the Tiffany charm bracelet) as an anniversary present. He would then talk his way into presenting the second box (with the Tiffany "Marry Me" charm) to Astro Girl and pop the question. If everything went well, Astro Girl's answer should be a yes. Of course, it could be a no too, which would then necessitate the need to activate Plan B. Assuming that Plan A worked, Eric Banana wanted Astro Girl to think that there was no proposal ring before catching her off-guard moments later with a huge surprise.

One last thing - how did Eric Banana make sure that he did not get the order of the three boxes wrong? The answer is simple. He had the nice people at Tiffany wrap the three items in boxes of differing sizes =P